Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
