Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
