did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize