and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
