Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
