did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
