I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
