the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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