he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
