Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Small penises have feelings too.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
