Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
