i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
