i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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