i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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