I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
