I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
