so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Randomize