how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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