Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
