You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
