I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize