I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize