did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
