she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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