addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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