so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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