What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
