You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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