I accidentally had phone sex last night
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
