I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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