I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
