He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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