The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize