Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
