dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
