Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
