belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
