I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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