You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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