It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
