If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
accomplished twins. life is a go
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
