yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
