guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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