when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
