yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
