I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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