I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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