I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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