And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
