you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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