after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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