thus making me awesome and them whores
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
