i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize