let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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