i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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