I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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