WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize