"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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