remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
