he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
