woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize