I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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