Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
