i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
