Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
