I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
