We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sext me about skeletons
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
