The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
