sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
