you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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