Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
