Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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